They say that someone who was abused has a higher risk of becoming an abuser, and I agree with that statistic. I also know that with the right tools in place, the cycle can be broken. But what can you do with a victim who goes on to enjoy being victimized?
You will find through past and future postings, that I have been sexually assaulted a few times in my haunting past. You may also find some research on the web, that shows that many rape victims later find themselves aroused by rape scenarios. Guilty as charged.
Once upon a time I was shamed by this fetish. How sick is it for a girl to want to be overpowered and forced into deviant acts, as a submissive sexual slave? (My goodness... just typing that line caused me have to adjust myself in my chair). I mean, it is a crime. Unless the partner is perfectly willing, and not only gives permission, but thoroughly enjoys the act. In my mind, it's that primal man, with all of his strength and virility, who has pressure to release. If a woman should stimulate him visually, he may have the natural desire to take her, by force if necessary. I love being on the receiving end of a man's strongest urges, when his passion borders on the edge of anger. When he seems almost possessed by a demon of lust, and he's driven to force himself on the woman he desires. (Oh, Boy). Sometimes it's simply a woman being held as a commodity for men to use as a toy, as they satisfy their sexual needs.
This fantasy branches out into all sorts of fabulous scenarios. There's the woman being captured by vikings, pirates, or (--insert your favorite savage here--). The one who was sold into slavery, in another era, and services handsome, wealthy kings. The one with the biker gang, and the girl bound and chained on a mattress in the corner. And one of my favorites, the girl who gets so drunk at the frat party that she doesn't even realize that she's being laid out for the wrestling team to line up on. I sometimes even take that to the next level, and pretend to be the girl who was drugged by her boyfriend, so that he and his roommate can ravage her in ways that she'll be unable to protest against.
Okay, so it is rape. And rape is a horrible crime. I know because I was raped. But like I said in the beginning, it is the rape scenario that arouses me. The sex act, not the violence. In the privacy of my home. The participants are two people in a loving and committed relationship, who have discussed the acts that they perform, in all their glory, and have agreed on the limitations. With love, I give myself fully to his will, and trust that he will keep from hurting me. Neither of us have ever been disappointed.
Is it still sick?
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