Is there anyone out there? Reach out and let me know that you exist, and that you know that I exist. Together, we can tell the world what it really feels like.
It feels like this:
- I don't want to be alone, but I want everyone to leave me alone.
- I don't want anyone to say anything, but I need someone to say something.
- I love you all with everything that's in me, but I hate you all so much right now.
- I want you to tell me that you love me, but we know that I won't believe you when you say it, because I just don't feel it. It's not your fault. I can't seem to feel anything right now.
- I would never purposefully do anything to hurt myself, but I dream that some fateful accident would occur, to take this all away.
- There's so much that I have to do (daily chores), and I'm terrified of you discovering that I haven't done any of it. You'll think I'm lazy, selfish, irresponsible.
- There's so much that I want to do (writing, crafting, gaming, communicating), but I can't bring myself to really want to do any of it.
- I'm certain that there's a devastating accident just waiting to happen, that will tear all of you (or any one of you) out of my life, and I can't get the visions of it out of my mind. I can't imagine how I'm going to carry on without you, but I can't stop imagining it!
- You've not given me a reason not to trust you, but I'm absolutely certain that you're lying to me, and laughing behind my back, at how gullible I am.
- How can I be rolling around in so many feelings... and yet feel so numb?
- I'm convinced that some incurable illness is silently killing me right now.
- I'm hot, so I put on a cool, sleeveless shirt. Then I'm cold, so I put on a sweater. Then I'm hot, so I put on the air conditioning. Then I'm cold again.
- I'm so hungry, and I have so little energy, but I can't even stomach the idea of food.
I could probably go on and on, but what would be the point? I think, perhaps, the point has been made. Please tell me I'm not alone.
I can relate to these things
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