My husband's daily mood medication is a good thing. The man before meds was quite different than the man after. Before meds, he was a quiet, cave dwelling hermit. He was not particularly fond of other humans. Sometimes they're ignorant fools, sometimes they're megalomaniacs, and most just have all around bad manners. I suppose I wasn't very fond of people either, due to a few bad apples who spoiled the whole bunch. Over the years, we have managed to collect a few friends. Some were momentary buddies who left us with fond memories. Some are still hanging on by a thread, who also live hundreds of miles away. For about seven years now, all we really had was each other, and the kids, and that's all we really needed. WRONG! "Familiarity breeds contempt", and we were becoming waaaay too familiar... with our house, with our kids, with each other. All my husband could relay to me was work related, and all I had to talk about was kids, and Dr Phil. He needed friends, but would never admit it. I needed friends, but I had no clue as to how to make them. Who knew that all I had to do was get my husband medicated?
As soon as his brain chemistry began to change, so did his social life. His, not mine. It started off slowly, with a little extra chit chat around the water cooler. Then he began to stay a little later at the office. Then came the evenings when he was repeatedly distracted with text messages, to and from, one or more of his co-workers. Our conversations then began to revolve around them. And then came the week of company sponsored social events.
Have I mentioned that three of his four co-workers were young, single, flirtatious women? The first one causes me no concern. She's a wild woman of my own generation, a cougar on the prowl for a hunk of fresh meat... and it's all just a game. She loves the party scene, but holds herself to a different standard. She never drinks, or smokes, and had managed to secure her virginity for decades before relinquishing it to a long term relationship. What she lacks in appearance, she makes up for in personality, and vibe, and friendship. The second woman is an attractive, divorced single mother; the same age as our oldest daughter, with two daughters that are the same ages as our grandsons. On top of being a flitty, flighty flake, she has a severe case of ADD. She has tattoos and piercings and sells lingerie and naughty toys at parties. She's often drunk, and sexually inappropriate. She also shares a name with my dog, and so I hear and speak it every day. Woman number three was actually married, but that didn't seem to matter, being that she had a reputation for "hooking up" with customers. Even the only other male employee was desperately seeking a way out of his marriage. He and Three even confessed to having "hooked up" after a social function.
Surrounded by the people that my husband used to bitch about daily, who are now his new best friends, I felt very confused and sad, like a fourth grader watching my BFF play hopscotch with the new kid. I saw my quiet, and usually grouchy, husband laughing and joking, and even participating in the mature insinuations, and sexual innuendo It was intended to be humorous, but I was not amused. I began to feel more anxious and angry, like a teenage girl catching her high school boyfriend passing notes with the new girl. We began to socialize with them after hours, and on weekends, sometimes until the late evening became the early morning. He began to drink more often, socially of course, but even a few beers on a Saturday night was a few more than he had in a year of Saturday nights. Even the kids thought he was suffering a mid-life crisis.
These new people were perceived as threats to my security, and many of my typical symptoms flew into full swing. I struggled for weeks, bouncing back and forth between a situation that screamed of impropriety to me, and truly trusting my husband. I know I seem naive, but honestly, he's an open book for me. When my jealousy, distrust, and fury drove me to questioning, accusing, and snooping... he calmly offered me alibis, explanations, and access to his phone, Facebook, and tablet. Even through my doubts, his support and attentiveness never diminished.
After several weeks of smiling through the pain, I began to get to know these women, and I could then see the ridiculousness of some of my jealousy. I could also see where my true battles lie. I know which of my defenses to fortify, and which weapons to keep in my arsenal.
It's been nearly a year now, and my husband's coworkers have become my friends. Real friends. I have friends! Yaaay! Even some of their friends have become our friends. The whole situation has changed our family dynamic, and we're all better off for it. I get to entertain in my home, once again, as we are hosting parties and meals for every and any occasion. We've gone to the movies more times in the past ten months than we have in the five years prior. We've sampled new restaurants, and bars, seen live bands perform, and I even got up one night and sang the karaoke!
I still have my jealous moments, but I'm willing to suffer a little anxiety, in exchange for another year of living in love and laughter.
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